Being a mom already comes with many challenges. That’s just how it goes. But it’s still the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do (yet still very challenging at the same time).
I don’t think motherhood is easy whether you’re married, single, a working mom, or stay-a-at-home mom – it all comes with its own set of challenges.
I’ve been a single mom for the majority of my kid’s life and know firsthand the struggles that come with single parenting. Yes, like all moms, we love our kids, and we wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. But that doesn’t mean we don’t get tired and sometimes want a break. So, today I want to share some of the struggles I lived and witnessed other single moms go through, too.
Dealing With Judgement
Now let’s keep it real. First thing people do is judge you when you are a single mom. Regardless of how you got to that situation, dealing with judgement is something we all experience with all the damn time. Trust me, as the years go by, you learn to just say “F” it and actually learn to enjoy single parenting. But at the beggining it’s a scary place to be.
Doing Everything Yourself
Many single moms can take a break when the kids go with their father, but for the most part, you are on your own and on parenting mode 24/7. From kids getting sick and staying up all night to dropping them off to school, cooking, homework and making sure you are giving 100% at work because being unemployed wouldn’t be smart, single parenthood is a non-stop job. Not to mention dealing with other things like car trouble on the side of the road. Those are all things I struggled with myself as a young single mom, too. You learn to become organized and start to plan for the unplanned. But at the beginning it’s hell, so just keeping going until you see the light at the end of the tunnel!
It’s Scary And Uncertain
We all know that as females, we are driven by security and certainty – and single parenting cant be farther from that. There is no certainty, and it is scary when you are not sure if anything can go wrong tomorrow. I think many of us go as far as thinking what would happen if something traggic were to happen to us, and we can no longer take care of our kids. Even though its the silliest thing to do, we still do it especially at the beggining of a separation when we are still going throught the phase of finding our safe place.
I’m not scared to die, I’m scared to leave my kids behind knowing no one will take care of them like I do.”
Dealing With Mixed Emotions Or Guilt
Witnessing how this affects your kids is painful and can be one of the top ways we feel guilt when becoming single moms. Trying to heal yourself and healing your kids is a journey you go through.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” – Bob Marley
If you want to further your career or start a side business, it’s going to be difficult – from all aspects. Financially you have to cut back in your already limited budget. Plus, finding the time to study or start your side business is challenging. I believe creating a strong support system with friends, and family and finding help in your community is important. That’s why when I see single moms making it happen, I get really excited because I know how difficult this is firthand!
Dealing With an Ex
I’ve met single moms who have great relationships with their exes, and I’ve met single moms who have problematic exes. If you have the latter, it can be tough and draining. I’ve also met single moms who had to do it all on her own because their ex was too busy getting in trouble and going to jail for the remainder of his life – and for that I raise my hand.
Finding Time For Yourself
Ha! Yes, that’s funny to think about. You have bills to pay, school events, homework, cooking and so much more so by the end of the day, you’re too tired for anything. Even though you want to find time for friends and to unwind or maybe have some “me time,” the truth is that it often gets put on the back burner.
Love / Dating
Dating is definitely on top of the list of struggles. From finding the time to date to actually deciding if dating is something you even want to do. For some of us it becomes something that we just push to the side in order to fulfill other things. The truth is, you have to look out for who you date and introduce your kids to because you can never be too safe when it comes to your kids!
Not to mention if you finally decide you want to go out it takes so much time and money to find the right baby sitter, get snacks ready, get the kids ready and out the door. Then you put in all this work only to find out that you’re not Interested or it doesn’t work out. I know when my son was growing up, I would rather stay home and avoid the hassles of dating!
All parenting is hard and full of sacrifices. I don’t take any credit from any other moms. Most moms often put their own needs and wants before those of their children. I think we are all warriors and love our kids to the moon and back. I just wanted to share some of the struggles that single moms face since that has been my story, as well as the story for many of the moms in my friend circle. If you’re a single mom reading this, please know that your’e not alone and there are plenty of others who are going through (or have gone through) what you’re experiencing, which is is why I wanted to be so raw about the topic.
Being a single mom is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears, but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride.” – unknown